Author Topic: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?  (Read 2035 times)

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Offline boothill

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Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« on: July 13, 2011, 09:16:27 AM »
The following story is about a squirrel and a grasshopper
and the outcome of their lives anywhere in the world - EXCEPT in the UK..

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for
the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away. 
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so
he dies out in the cold.

THE END




                         This is the same story again but this time based in the UK...

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper,
calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel
should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like
the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the
shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his
comfortable, warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform the public that they should be
ashamed of the fact that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Conservative Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The
Grasshopper Council of GB hold a mass demonstration in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special
from Swindon with breaking news, and broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome"
The “Cleggerons” rant in an interview with "HardTalk"
that the squirrel got rich off the backs of Grasshoppers and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay
his "Fair Share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter the United Kingdom

In response to growing pressure from the media, the
Government hastily drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination
Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed, and he is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for contempt of court when
he was reported as saying that the grasshopper didn't ever intend  to work
 
The grasshopper is provided with a council house,
financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to
ensure he can be socially mobile.

Meanwhile, the squirrels' food is seized and re distributed to
the more needy members of society, in this case the
grasshopper.  Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and
utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of
origin with Mice.

On arrival, the cats try to blow up the airport because
of Britain's apparent love of dogs. The cats were arrested for the international
offences of hijacking and attempted bombing, but were immediately released
when it became known that the police had fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in
custody.

Initial moves to then return the cats to their own
country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the
mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from
peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up
the last of the Squirrels food, though spring is a still month away.
The Council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain the house, and he is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug  'illness'.

The cats meanwhile are seeking compensation  in the British courts for
the “infeline” treatment they had all been forced to endure since their arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a botched burglary in order to get money to fund his drugs habit, is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for more than four days, and also that the police officer who disarmed and arrested him very stupidly forgot to call him “Sir” He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery, burgled several magpies' nests, and is currently awaiting his 167th appearance at the town Magistrates Court.

A commission of Inquiry, that will no doubt eventually cost
£10 million and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug
rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing
asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government
for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised
by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.  The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and
his traumatic experience of prison, and they call for the resignation of a government minister at the very least.

The cats are paid thousands of pounds each because
their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them
there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an
additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will
have to work far beyond the age of 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.


 The End.


Old people believe everything...middle aged people suspect everything...young people know everything    3 2 1 back in the room !

Drone

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2011, 05:38:28 PM »
"It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"


Offline boothill

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2011, 07:18:33 PM »
Keep taking the meds, love !
Old people believe everything...middle aged people suspect everything...young people know everything    3 2 1 back in the room !

Offline Terry Reynolds

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2011, 10:12:19 PM »
Why dont you tell them the story about how in 25 - 30 years time, they will still be paying for Prudence's 550 odd PFI schemes.... :2funny:

Offline Steve Wakefield

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2011, 09:12:38 AM »
Or how a nasty old woman snatched their grandmothers school milk ................ and threw all their family out of work and how the school roof leaked and people had to wait on trollies in hospital. Then created a property boom that brought about a bust and people were thrown out of their houses and made homeless.

No better not, it may frighten them!  :wink:
All posts on this forum are my own opinion and do not represent the views of any council or any political party.  :banana:

Drone

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2011, 12:05:46 PM »
Keep taking the meds, love !

Start watching Futurama, mate!


Offline Terry Reynolds

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2011, 02:41:29 PM »
Or the stories of queues outside the cemetry or the hospital, or the rubbish out in the streets, or the city sacking people by taxi, or when the IMF had to bail us out and not go bankrupt, and again how we went nearly bankrupt again, only this time we printed some more money to get through, only troublle is those same grand kids will be paying for that as well, tell them about the Iraq war and then tell them who did kill Dr Kelly, you can go on and on Stgeve, they are all as bad as the last lot, but history seems to faovour Labour in the bad stakes, when you go back all those years when Maggie so say laid off those workers, how much was the gov paying in to the national debt of firms like British Steel Coal, trains etc, which every man and his dog, again, paid for, it may not be nice but as someone said in the adver today, with Labour, its ok as it s not their money they are spending..... Play your cards right Steve and you too can get a seat in the Lords,(for a price). If Kinnock had his way and won the election,(last one put out the light), we would have pulled out of the EU, now hes a failed MP, he is in the lords, having had his time as EU Minister with all the trimmings, and his wife is also on that bandwagon, so changed views when money is mentioned!!

Offline Steve Wakefield

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2011, 08:11:26 PM »
Play your cards right Steve and you too can get a seat in the Lords,(for a price).

Sorry, you have me mistaken for Cllr Rod Bluh and Robert Buckland MP who wrote why Rod Bluh should be made a Lord.

Note the Nationalised railways were being subsidised by 1 Billion a year, now its privatised its 5 Billion a year!
All posts on this forum are my own opinion and do not represent the views of any council or any political party.  :banana:

Ringer

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2011, 11:40:34 PM »
Kohima

I was paying for the war and the nationalised industries and I was not born when that happened. So why should future generations not pay for services before they are old enough to earn a living... Oh I forgot Tory posh boys have introduced massive tuition fees.  :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

Offline boothill

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2011, 10:44:03 AM »
Keep taking the meds, love !

Start watching Futurama, mate!


Naaa    prefer MY women to have two eyes if possible....in fact two of everything that's not central !!!
Old people believe everything...middle aged people suspect everything...young people know everything    3 2 1 back in the room !

Offline Mart

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2011, 03:49:47 PM »
I like women with 23 different and rapidly changing personalities.

Which is lucky cos they are the only sort I have ever met.

My son is already fully aware that the trustworthiness of a politician is in an inverse proportion to the power they wield and that you can infer their position on any subject by the colour of their rosette.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Offline Terry Reynolds

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Re: Bedtime story for the grand kids ?
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2011, 07:35:02 PM »
If ringer is looking in, he is nearly right in his last blog, the tory toffs have, increased, yes increased, the tuition fees, that were introuduced by the Labour Toffs, who pledged in their manifesto not to do so., and what is the nationalised nework rail now costing the country in subs.. 
Sorry blog is late, didnt read it before today..