Author Topic: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special  (Read 6613 times)

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Offline Geoff Reid

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Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« on: March 06, 2010, 03:24:45 AM »
 
Lamplighters Bulletin Number 10.

As you will have noticed, (unless you've been abroad or in prison for the last few weeks), Rod Bluh's decision to throw £450,000 of public money at the SBC/Digital City Joint WiFi project is still the hottest political topic in the Borough, and looks to remains so for some time.

There's a tremendous amount of information flying around regarding this but, to be honest, to release any really juicy information this week might interfere with official investigations currently under way.  We might wish to politically embarrass Councillor Bluh but, unlike the SBC administration with our money, we are not reckless with the process of law and democracy. We take both very seriously.

Therefore, this weeks Lamplighters bulletin is very different from usual and we'd like you, all of you, (including guest readers), to indulge in a little rampant speculation about the uses to which a fully functional and Borough wide wifi mesh might be put to over the coming months and years.



Here's the scenario:

Swindon Borough Council is now the part owner of a Borough Wide WiFi mesh.  The WiFi mesh has transmitters attached to lamp posts at regular intervals.  A CCTV camera has also been attached to every lamp post which has a wifi transmitter. The CCTV system is fully functional and connected to a super computer in a hidden location.

The super computer is fully provisioned with Automatic Number Plate Recognition software, facial recognition software and is linked to the newly operational National Identity Register database and the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Authority on Swansea.

No decision has yet been taken as to what the CCTV system might be used for, that decision rests with you.

The wifi mesh is fully functional and reliable, but not very well subscribed to by either businesses or residential users. The wifi is bare covering its running costs and the Borough is almost bankrupt after a risky budget has turned a potential financial drama into a funding crisis.

Borough Councillors are now desperate to exploit WiFi's revenue generating potential to the maximum whilst achieving some regeneration and social inclusion benefits they can exploit politically.

The council has employed you to suggest possible uses to which the wifi mesh can be put.  Your remit is broad and anything you suggest will be examined seriously, especially if it has the potential to raise revenue or cut costs within the Councils budget.




Be as ruthless, kind, invasive or protective as you like......


answers after this post please or guest viewers can participate by emailing their suggestions to Dougal who will repost them here (with any/all identifying data removed).

Enjoy yourselves....  :)




AndyH

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2010, 08:17:05 AM »
Geoff do you never sleep??? Sure it was you I spoke to at 2am this morning  ;D

A quick couple pop to mind…

A Couple of Potential Environmental Carbon Taxes:

For those who travel at peak times, Higher rates for course for those with larger gas guzzlers or who travel on their own.

Regularly placed cameras could well act as “Average Speed Camera” and a nice little earner for “Environmental Pollution” (Speeding burns more fuel you know….)

Off on a course so I’ll look back later…

Offline Ringer

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2010, 08:55:46 AM »
Trying to get in the spirit of this :emb:

As AndyH  ;) started this off I will follow in the footsteps as they say.  :angel:

I think that the Lib Dem councillors will be able to spy monitor all the people in Eastcott, where they park when they park, when they take in their bins, also what goes into their bins.

Tomlinson & Buckland watch will log if they went for lunch and who with, any claim they make will automatically be checked online in Westminster then cross referenced with their actual movements. ;D So much for parliamentory priveledge. Not in Swindon you don't!

We will all be able to see if Tomlinson and Buckland are ever in Swindon and if to quote one of them working hard. All their movements will be logged. People will actually know what the pair are claiming for.   :WTF:

The central ward councillors will be able to see who is going to pray on Friday and where. It will assist the "immigration people no end" Border Control to see who is coming and going or who is visiting in central. :knuppel2: All people visiting Catholic churches will be moniterd and added to the possibly an opus dei register.

The greens will be able to target the people who drive 4x4s by tracking the shortness of the journey i.e those that do the school run and pop to the shops in a Gas Guzzler.  :clap:

Any lone male occupant driving through Manchester road will be put on a "soliciting aware register" . All councillors will be logged in and around the town to see who they are talking to outside of the civic, and so will the officers too. (No more informal bump into each other meetings outside the civic.) :coffee:


The BNP will be thwarted  as the canvass and leafletting teams will be watched and timed anyone spending more than a few seconds with the canvasser will be noted and marked as being " Add to hate register".

Rod Bluh The conservatives, will actually be able  prove who leafleted Dorcan instead of waving at everyone in the council chamber :2funny:

Councillors will be watched to see if they ever how often they visit their wards, that will cause problems for a lot few. (Their names will be added to the "only disclose at time of election but only after the leaflet is out" register.)  :bottom:

Journos, TSers and bloggers will be "watched over" to  ensure that they are protected from virulent sources.  :puke:

Graveyards will have cameras in to stop vandals,and to prevent journos coming into contact with virulent sources. :agreed:

Anyone who challenges a council leader in the public domain  :fence: will be marked down for reducation watched over and any slight non compliance recorded so that the £80.00 fine charmers can visit you.

Last year I was told a councillor  wanted to introduce new powers to allow officers to issue fines based on Video Evidence. so that the enforcement officers do not actually have to witness the offense themselves. It was stated  these powers already  exist in other councils. I think there must have been a visitation from the chramers to plant that idea into their head? :censored:

I could go on, but I am so despondant after writing this post I need to have a rollup  and a coffee and a sausage and egg bap! Oh NO!!! I Just had a thought all smokers seen in the streets will be identified on the tell the NHS register oh and the people visiting take away shops as well. If you  visit a takeaway shop more than three times in a week the NHS charmers will be around to modify your lifestyle.

All the books you borrow from the library will be monitored to see whether you are a dreamer, a free thinker or an anarchist, and if you are spotted  :fence: in the street your DVD borrowings will be checked to cross check  if you watch films with violence and swearing in. :tickedoff:

Oh I need that smoke coffee and bacon and egg bap I think I will make that a double before that wi-fi is fitted to the lamp post opposite. Oh I know how to beat it I will put it all in a carboard box and take it into the garage and smoke and eat in there. Are the cameras Infra Red type? :bash:
« Last Edit: March 06, 2010, 10:04:21 AM by Ringer »
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Offline komadori

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2010, 05:57:55 PM »
You could use it to introduce congestion charging, with a punitive rate charged for anyone using Westcott Place or Faringdon Road, to reduce the number of complaints when the canal is built.
 :D
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Offline Richard Symonds

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2010, 06:11:51 PM »
Calm down folks they have got CCTV cameras in Sussex Square but no one seems to be watching them.  If they did they would have to do something and I could then stop my regular emails to Councillor David Renard.
All my posts are my own opinion and do not represent any political organization or group

Offline Mart

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2010, 06:16:43 PM »
I think you could use it to monitor the movements of bumblebees and thereby gain some clues to the reasons for their decline.

You could use it to capture amusing incidents and accidents (where nobody was harmed) and send the footage to  Harry Hill in exchange for cash. Thereby becoming the first comedic TV presenter sponsored township.

The Truman Swindon show.

Or

Use it in an intrusive and oppressive manner to impress the authority of the state on the populace whilst the portion of the populace it could be usefully monitoring go about their various nefarious businesses unmolested.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Offline Mart

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2010, 06:20:53 PM »
Aha!

We could use them to monitor the other unmonitored cameras.

If used with stealth and cunning we could perhaps see who wasn't monitoring them.

Which could come in useful in a way I haven't thought of yet.

We may need more cameras now I think about it.

They'll need monitoring come to think of it a bit more.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Offline Richard Symonds

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2010, 06:45:21 PM »
Aha!

We could use them to monitor the other unmonitored cameras.

If used with stealth and cunning we could perhaps see who wasn't monitoring them.

Which could come in useful in a way I haven't thought of yet.

We may need more cameras now I think about it.

They'll need monitoring come to think of it a bit more.

I understand the monitors reside in Waterside Park so are they now part of the privitised Swindon Commecial Services?

Perhaps we could get them monitored as well?

and those SCS people will no longer be able to park up and read the paper whilst they are supposed to be working.  See an awful lot of this around the borough!!
All my posts are my own opinion and do not represent any political organization or group

Piston Broke

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2010, 07:47:43 PM »
Thats right monitering workers and those on sick, as they pop to the Drs or chemists. No chance of extended lunch breaks or being off patch, as the camera footage will be checked against the council's ID card system and clocking in system.

Offline Mart

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2010, 09:50:54 PM »
Ain't they got data track on the vehicles?

Very amusing toy, leads to very short and conclusive conversations I would imagine.

Is there anything secret anymore?
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Offline komadori

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2010, 11:31:09 PM »
Is there anything secret anymore?
Yep, Digital City (UK) Ltd's business plan… if there is one.
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Offline Richard Symonds

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2010, 09:57:23 AM »
Yep, Digital City (UK) Ltd's business plan… if there is one.

Now Komadori, you would not dare question the word of our 'great leader' and this time I am not referring to gordon Brown!!
All my posts are my own opinion and do not represent any political organization or group

Offline Jarvis

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2010, 10:48:37 AM »
Mart asked: "Is anything secret anymore"?

Komadori replied: "Yep, Digital City (UK) Ltd's business plan… if there is one"?


I say:

<pantomime mode>

"It's behind you!! "

</pantomime mode>

All together now.....

OH NO IT ISN'T !

Offline Chav

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"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects." -- Lester B. Pearson.

Offline Bobby Bingo

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2010, 04:05:21 PM »
I did hear that Little Boy Bluh is going to monitor the smokers in the council grounds.
He thinks it may justify his redundancy programme.
Bobby

Offline swindoncentric

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2010, 09:59:53 PM »
I've just posted about the fate of the rest of our money being decided tonight, with a cheekily adapted David Cameron poster for good measure!

Offline DaveWood

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #16 on: March 09, 2010, 10:23:01 PM »
I did hear that Little Boy Bluh is going to monitor the smokers in the council grounds.
He thinks it may justify his redundancy programme.

Well it is his job to keep the Cabinet under control, to be fair.

Offline Geoff Reid

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #17 on: March 09, 2010, 11:25:59 PM »
 
;D yes, some of whom can often be found at the foot of the stairs to the public gallery, (at the civic)  having a puff.

sbc voice

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #18 on: March 10, 2010, 08:36:30 AM »

;D yes, some of whom can often be found at the foot of the stairs to the public gallery, (at the civic)  having a puff.

So that would be Peter G. then! Unfair on the staff (who he's supposed to lead) who can only smoke in a little shelter a long cold walk away from the buildings.

Offline Geoff Reid

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #19 on: March 10, 2010, 08:57:14 AM »

His rationale is that he is a 'member' of the council, not an employee of it, therefore rules which apply to employees do not apply to him.

Reminds me of Orwell's Napoleon.   All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.

Offline Bobby Bingo

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2010, 09:05:47 AM »
For God's sake don't stop him from smoking in fact encourage him!
Bobby

Offline Ringer

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Re: Lamplighters Bulletin #10: A WiFi Special
« Reply #21 on: March 10, 2010, 09:30:07 PM »

His rationale is that he is a 'member' of the council, not an employee of it, therefore rules which apply to employees do not apply to him.

Reminds me of Orwell's Napoleon.   All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.

Haha and who was the horse? Boxer who adopted the maxim I will work harder, did and then sent to the knacker.
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