Author Topic: Kick an Industry when it's Down  (Read 970 times)

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Offline Mart

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Kick an Industry when it's Down
« on: August 12, 2007, 11:13:17 PM »
Apparently this is a genuine letter, it's probably not, but we can hope.

Dear Secretary of State,

My brother-in-law, who is in farming at the moment, received a cheque
for £18,000 from the Rural payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I now
want to join the 'not rearing pigs' business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on,
And which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I
approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies dictated by
the EU under the Common Agriculture Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you
Want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any
advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester
Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an
Accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government
Or Local Authority courses on this?

My brother-in-law is very satisfied with this business. He has been
Rearing pigs for many years and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in

That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing

If I get £10,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £20,000 for not
Rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself
down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about
£800,000 for the first year. Then I can afford to buy an aeroplane.

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000
Tones of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing

Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the
pigs I didn't rear?

I am also considering the 'not milking cows' business, so please send
Any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the
Government information on set aside fields? Can this be done on an
 e-commerce basis with virtual fields?
In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed,
and will qualify for unemployment benefits.

I shall of course vote for you at the next general election.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Offline Geoff Reid

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Re: Kick an Industry when it's Down
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2007, 11:28:31 PM »

Hahahahahhaaa.....funniest damn thing I've read all week.  ;D

I bet it contains an element of truth.

Offline Krippers

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Re: Kick an Industry when it's Down
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2007, 04:55:34 PM »
Exceptional , any more  :popcorn:
In a world bereft of hope, lost to immeasurable inhumanity,   entrenched in commercial exploitation, devoid of hope, where's my underpants?