Author Topic: Major floods hit North Britain...  (Read 1014 times)

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Offline Alligator

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Major floods hit North Britain...
« on: July 03, 2007, 09:25:34 PM »
Epicentre: Rotherham, England

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were ruined.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Rotherham. One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracey Sharon Braithwaite said: "It were such a shock, my little lass Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I were still shaking when I were watching Jeremy Kyle
t' next morning".
 However, locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal. So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-Stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.

Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his / hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sports socks
Rockfort boots or any other product sold by Primark.

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not donate anything that requires peeling.

22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims ? £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9 £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves. And for only the price of a bottleof house sparkling wine in a south west London pub will be able to buy a house for a typical household of 9 + 3 dogs!

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food, Caesar for Jack Russells.

Please do not send tents for shelter - the obvious improvement in housing might cause residents to believe they have been forcibly relocated to

Offline Chav

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Re: Major floods hit North Britain...
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2007, 09:15:33 PM »
Well wot a fookin disaster innit.
Now me and my girls, that is me julie and me tracie, well we ave bin talkin bout helpin da cauze.
I got me a size 12 pink shell suit from the cataloge and it is wiegh too big for me, so they can ave that. I didnt pay for it anyway coz i used a different name wen i ordered it innit. And they is at fault for sendin me sumfing 2 sizez 2 big.
Me julie sez she got some fake burberry sweatshirts they can ave. It woz a job lot she had left over that she couldnt shift on her stall at Bristol Market. U know the one, by Frenchay hospital innit. She goes there all da time.
Now me Tracie as offered to donate two pussy pelmets Demin skirts an a burberry boob tube in return for a date wiv a hoodie from Roverham.
She sez he must drive one on them fiat punto Gt cars wiv all the kit on it including the neon lights underneath.

So me and me girls is now going to Roveram at da weekend to distribute aids to the locals.
Now if people wants to help us in preparation for our journey, pleeze can u donate a 2ltr bottle of white litenen, 1ltr bottle of 100% proof red vodka and several canz of  redball. We needs all the energy we can get innit.
We also needs babysitters for da kids, they is no trouble really. The twins, Vicki and David both ave ASBO's and is on tag so they just needs keepin an eye on. the baby is ok as long as u feed er a big mac every 4 hours.

Well doz anyone wanna join us on our mission innit? Bring a bottle 4 the journey and we may evan get to go on theJeremy Kyle show, or Trisha evan, for helpin.

                                                  :crazy2: Hel (Chav) >:D
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